Pain
by Moonstone 04
Summary: [XENOSAGA] After their first battle together, chaos and KOSMOS have a little talk. [Complete]


Pain   
by Moonstone 04  
  
***  
  
  
The doors of the Elsa's hangar opened with the familiar hiss of air. Having finished washing the dishes, KOS-MOS needed to recharge. Her footsteps announced her presence with the consistent clicking rhythm of metal on metal. The hangar had received the worst damage during the U-TIC Auto-Tech attack, and the battered remains still lay about emitting sparks and steam. This was none of her concern. For now, it was only necessary to ready herself for battle again, in case there was another attack.  
  
As she descended on the elevator, a startled Hammer looked up from where he was sorting through the wreckage. "A-ah! Hey there, KOS-MOS! Just cleaning this up... There's some great stuff in here. That mothership alone should turn a pretty penny."  
  
"If the U-TIC organization traces their stolen equipment to you, they will surely kill you."  
  
"Whoever they are, they can take a number." Hammer shrugged and went back to his business.  
  
In the maintenance lab, KOS-MOS was alone again. Since Shion was busy with the new arrivals, and Allen indisposed at the Elsa's bar, she would repair any minor damages on her own. As she prepared the maintenance unit to perform a full system check, something appeared in her side view. Her head turned immediately. She did not know how anyone could be there, she had detected no presence in the room.  
  
Yet somehow, she already knew who it was before she locked on to the unexpected intruder.   
  
"Uh, hi there." The silver-haired boy smiled. "Need some help?"  
  
KOS-MOS studied him. It was chaos. The Elsa's engineer and security officer. The second title had seemed unbelievable to her at first, due to his slender frame, and had attributed it to the Elsa's civilian inefficiency. After observing him in battle against the Auto-Techs, she realized she had underestimated him.  
  
However, it seemed that her sensors consistantly failed her in his presence. This was the second time chaos had appeared without any indication of his approach. In addition, she had determined that he emitted an unusually strong electrostatic charge. Why a human being would have such a strong charge, she was not yet able to deduce. A fragmented memory told her she had encountered another person with the same kind of electrostatic charge before. But she could not trust those memories, as they were junk files from her earliest programming tests, and possibly corrupted.  
  
But even such an electrostatic charge, if her sensors could be trusted that it was real, could not be responsible for the serious lapses in her sensor functions. "I seem to be malfunctioning at this time. It is advised that you leave so I may run a full diagnostic. Please alert Shion or Allen that I need assistance."  
  
"Oh?" chaos' smile widened. "Well, they're busy right now. Maybe I could help with any adjustments you need."  
  
"That would not be a good idea. Only authorized Vector employees may access my systems and/or hardware."  
  
"What if I just monitored while you run that diagnostic? If you're malfunctioning, isn't it better to have someone doublechecking things? I wouldn't get in your way." He put a hand on his chest, and raised his other hand in some sort of salute. "I swear on the Captain's favorite hat, I won't."  
  
To argue further would be a waste of time. "Very well, if you insist."  
  
Judging from his expression, chaos was exceptionally pleased with her acceptance of his terms. True to his word, he remained quietly out of the way as she lay in the maintenance unit. As he followed her progress on a holopad, she closed her eyes and began running the diagnostic.  
  
Everything was proceeding normally.   
  
Then for some unknown reason, her eyes were open. According to her internal sensors, precisely 57 seconds had passed. And chaos was now standing right overhead, staring down at her. His mouth was slightly open, and his eyes were moist. The closest match she found to the emotion on his face, was shock.  
  
"chaos, I appear to be malfunctioning worse than I estimated. What has happened?"  
  
"You..." The shocked expression faded into disappointment. "You're okay. I think there was just some sort of internal power surge. There's a bit of shrapnel stuck in your mid-frame that's probably causing the problem. Nothing very serious... I could remove it easily if you don't have any objections." He averted his eyes to the holopad in his hand. "Or I suppose I should go find Shion or Allen to take care of it."   
  
"There is no need for that. You may assist me further."   
  
"Are you sure?" chaos lifted surprised eyes.   
  
"It will be fine. As Shion and Allen are unavailable, and this repair requires immediate attention, you will do. I will supervise you closely to be sure you do not overstep your boundaries." Auto-mode regulation adjustment protocol activated.  
  
There was little, to no need to guide chaos. He worked with an efficient skill that rivaled any Vector technician. Once again, she had underestimated him. As he worked, there was peace and contentment in his body stance, but a trace of sadness never left his eyes. His nimble fingers made their way to the problem in silence. His hands were... kind.  
  
Fragments of lost memory flooded.  
  
  
_ "Mommy...!"  
  
  
"I can't go through with this, KOS-MOS. I can't..."  
  
  
"Stop! Please, don't...!"  
  
  
"You..."  
  
_   
The voices... The voice, became still.   
  
KOS-MOS opened her eyes to find chaos finishing the repairs. Tears were streaking down his face. "chaos, is there something wrong?"  
  
"N-no." chaos drew back. "Everything seems to be working fine now."  
  
"That is not what I meant. Your face. You are crying. Why?"  
  
chaos turned away slightly and rubbed at his face.   
  
"Did you sustain an injury during battle?"  
  
"No, I'm not hurt." chaos turned towards her again.  
  
"Then why were you crying? Is it not true that humans cry when they are experiencing pain?"   
  
"Yes..." chaos absently folded his arms around his torso. The gesture itself made him appear to be holding an injury. "Sometimes. But I'm okay. This just brings back some old memories for me... A lot of things have lately. All those bottled up feelings just... Please don't tell anyone." He smiled weakly.   
  
"I see. I will not. And I apologize. You should not have assisted me if it caused you pain." She did not expect the sadly fond look that came onto his face.  
  
"No, don't apologize." chaos said softly. "It isn't your fault. Not your fault at all. I enjoyed working on you. Thank you for letting me help."  
  
KOS-MOS sat up in the maintenance unit. "Helping me caused you pain, yet you enjoyed it. I do not understand. Please explain."  
  
"Well..." chaos looked down in thought. "Sometimes even the happiest memories can be painful. And I'm glad to remember them, even if..."  
  
"Would it not be better not to remember if they cause you such pain?"  
  
"It just isn't that simple." chaos placed a hand on the edge of the maintenance unit. "If I were to lose all the painful memories, I'd lose all the happy ones too. I'd lose everything I am. ...Everything I have left."  
  
"So pain...makes you complete?"  
  
"I suppose you could say that."  
  
Another fragment of memory came to KOS-MOS, only to fade as quickly as it came. She attempted to access it once more, but the path had gone. It was lost.  
  
"KOS-MOS?"   
  
"I believe... I understand."  
  
chaos smiled. "I'm glad."  
  
Suddenly, the ship's comm system blasted through the silence with Captain Matthews' aggravated voice. "chaos! We need you up on the bridge! Pronto!"  
  
"Well, I guess I'd better get going then." chaos moved towards the door.  
  
"Yes. Thank you for your assistance."  
  
"No problem. Maybe I can help again sometime."   
  
"Perhaps."  
  
With a gentle smile and a wave, chaos left her alone in the lab. She sat there for several long minutes, replaying their conversation. His words ran deep.  
  
"Will feeling pain...make me complete?"  



End file.
